Tag Archives: chip kelly

by | November 1, 2012

Arrogant Game Preview: Oregon Ducks

I dropped a minor bombshell yesterday when I announced that I’d be moving to Portland, Oregon on Saturday.  While I was completely pumped up that my readers were so supportive of this relocation, it is worth noting how strange it will feel to be flying into PDX the day the Ducks come to town, my town, Los Angeles.  It couldn’t be avoided as I am needed at my new job and the local pubs (there’s a bourbon problem, I’ll fix it), but the strangeness of it cannot be denied.

Looking at it through Rose City tinted glasses, the cosmos is literally firing a bearfighting missile into the heart of darkness (or grayness, rather) to start the battle.  I am excited to make PDX my new home, but I am coming with a welcome gift.  The Shocker in the Southland.

That actually made me laugh.  Shocker with USC involved?  Never.  Anytime we’re on the field, we can win, just as we did last year.  We’ve played down on many occasions this year, Oregon has not been tested.  I’ll be the first to say this is a tall order for us, Oregon has not been even so much as tested this year.  Vegas says they will be at the Coliseum.  We’ll certainly see.

hard to dislike PDX when there was a nyquil donut.

First off, Oregon.  I’m coming to town.  Outside of Saturday, the last scheduled time we play you for two years (though I do expect to see you in a few Pac 12 Championships), I want to make it clear that we’re cool.  I’ll drink with you at Rum Club.  I’ll eat a plate of funky charcuterie at Nostrana.  I’ll drink something barrel aged at Kask.  We can Pok Pok.  Hell, I’ll dip a Voodoo Donut in NyQuil and do a rain dance with you.  We’re going to be buds.  I’ll be working for Nike’s agency, hell you never know, you might see me dressed running around like a neon banana in Forest Park.  USC is a Nike school.  I just think you guys dig fingerpainting too much.  But I accept that.  We’re good.  We’re going to be hanging out all the time, you will see my wife who has roots in the PNW at the Farmer’s Market on Saturdays and if you see me eating a Reggie, we can share a high five.  Maybe a SoCal one arm bro hug to exchange cultures.  I am ready to embrace your locally crafted everything and I may even not run over bikes on the streets.  I won’t use an umbrella.  I’ll do my best to appreciate all that you are and you will come to find, I am awesome to drink bourbon with.  I’ll even talk reasonably about your teams.  Hell, I may even become a Timbers fan.  It seems awesome.

The thing is, on game day, I’m not backing down.  Not even a little.

Let’s set the scene.  Oregon won their first Rose Bowl (although with sanctions, take it from us, you may not be keeping it).  They have won the Pac 12 I think like three times in a row.  They have redefined the concept of letting children dress themselves when they go to school and in fairness, a lot of the country gets a huge kick out of their millions of uniform combinations (including my favorite, Las Vegas Casino Security Camera):

 

We’re in an interesting place.  The historical rivalry is not much of one.  USC, on the national level, is the only relevant west coast team, but Oregon is working incredibly hard to change that.  They have made a nice start.  After losing a ton of opportunities in big national games to make a point, they won a Rose Bowl and finally put some hardware at Autzen to prove they were good in their own right, regardless of USC being sanctioned or in “down years”.  Unfortunately, in that same season, they lost to USC and those sanctions prevented a rematch that they wanted, needed and were deprived of.

Facing down a school with a uniform recognized anywhere on earth, 11 National Championships, 6 Heismans (that we count) and like a third of all Rose Bowl wins ever (seriously, take that in) is no small task.  So Oregon has to focus on the present.  Outside of losing to USC last year at home and costing themselves a chance at a title shot, they finished strong with a Rose Bowl.  They need to do that A LOT in the next decade to have the Duke effect.

That’s what Oregon wants, I don’t know if they realize that yet.  Most current Ducks will be long buried before Oregon could be considered a historical power like an Alabama, USC, Ohio State or Michigan.  These are schools that have gone on monster runs in so many decades (including recent ones) that they just never are a surprise and even when they lose it’s assumed that they will win again, as they have proven over the last century.

Oregon needs the Duke effect because the Ducks have no football history to speak of.  The last five years have been their greatest and in fairness, they have been some great years.  The thing is, they need to win a lot of Rose Bowls.  They need to win some National Championships.  They need to get the Duke effect.  This Duke effect is that after not being a powerhouse, they got a great coach who stayed and became a perennial powerhouse.  It started in modern times and has been consistent.

Oregon is close to starting this.  They have a coach who somehow makes it work with non-NFL talent (for the most part).  I think we all dig DAT running all over the place, but he’s undersized and probably a Teddy Ginn punt returner for 5 seasons in the NFL.  Chip Kelly has this team in position to keep making waves.  They need to win the Pac 12 every year for a long time.  They need to rip down like 5 Rose Bowls and 2 National Championships in a 10 year span and then it’s started.  Then there is the argument to the historical powers that “yeah you guys are great, but we’re the new hotness and you’re more likely to guess what color uniform we’re wearing than beat us this week”.

Oregon isn’t there.  Not yet.  They took a big step last year.  What will happen this year?  The pressure is entirely on them because I think most of us feel their window is closing.  Chip Kelly will not stay forever and it’s not a pro style he’s running.  To his credit, he makes a lot with a little.  He puts a freshman QB in, they still score at will.  It’s a system designed to win college football games.  I wonder what it will be if he tries the NFL or if the Seastrunk/James/Lyles hammer ever falls and makes it uncomfortable, as if it wasn’t uncomfortable enough to look like E from Entourage locked himself in a cellar and just ate meat lover’s pizzas around the clock for a year.

 

The truth is though, Oregon has achieved one major stepping stone towards being an alpha dog, towards the Duke effect.  They are the date we circle on OUR calendar now.  It’s who we get up for.  The key is, they have to make it last.

Vegas sees this game as a lot closer than the pundits and for me, I have a simple prediction.  If we do not turn the ball over, we’ll win the damn game.  That’s not an easy task, especially when it’s hard to evaluate an Oregon defense that’s been relatively untested.  I say relatively because it’s D1 football and they have been shutting teams out.

There is so much on the line for them in this game and their style requires perfect execution.  A chance at a National Title (although they probably don’t get in even if they win out if KSU decides to do the same).  Their undefeated season, alpha dog position in the Pac.

For us?  Well, we’re still USC and we will be next year.  I don’t have to think too far back to remember the fistful of recent Rose Bowls and a couple National Titles that the AP still recognizes.  A win and we’re popping champagne.  A loss and in the end, we’ll have to be lucky AND good to get into the Pac 12 Title game.  In the end, though.  If Kiffin left, or whoever left, I am confident I’ll see another run in my lifetime.

Oregon cannot feel that way.  THIS is their run.  Like I said, they need their hardware or it’s if a tree falls in the forest and no one hears…  How long will Chip stay?

I think this might be a game for the ages.  USC has so much talent, Oregon has so much offense.  USC built it’s D for this game.  No one has stopped Oregon’s O.  It’s just such a pivotal game in the Pac 12′s history.

Oregon has their traveling faithful prepared with this ridiculous website that tells their fans what color to wear.  Look, I know we are attempting to “red out” the Coliseum, but I’m sorry, who fucking cares.  We only have two colors on our uniforms.  We look organized all the time.  You only need a website when your team mysterious abandoned their colors for carbon fiber, mirrors, neon yellow and chain metal wings.  There are certain outfits they wear (yes, I said outfits) that literally look like something worn in the Red Light District.  I am waiting for Mariota to have whips and leather instead of a towel and wristband.

Like a bunch of girls going out on Friday night, they made a last minute addendum to wear white.  The only time that was cool was in New Orleans where we suddenly realized we were in an impromptu white linen party and I paid a street woman $20 to serve cupcakes to the entire bar because she had cupcakes and I had been drinking Abita and hand grenades.  Sometimes you just do shit.

By the way, how “Geocities 1997″ does that screenshot look?

Another thing is, when you are going for intimidation and tradition, aim bigger.  Don’t go with “Win The Day” when Pete Carroll already did Win Forever (and he almost did).  How about “Win A Title”  or “Win More Rose Bowls”.  This isn’t me picking on Oregon, I am giving advice to my new neighbors who have every chance of getting the Duke effect and turning this into a killer rivalry, not just the big game of the season.  I am rooting for that.  I’ve found certainly Portlanders to be great people, so much so that I was down to move there.  This is advice from a perennial winner.  You’ve already surpassed UCLA in strategy by being “the new hotness” instead of “pretending we have a football tradition”.

Now please stop doing shit like this because it sets you back:

 

I completely endorse the use of Oregon cheerleaders, which I’ve found to be, outside of the Song Girls, pretty high up there on the “you make me forget I hate your football team” list.  What I can’t endorse is taking your coked-up, rolling on E captive duck mascot and doing a PSY parody like you are a bunch of teenage girls.  It’s not fun.  It’s torturing a duck and me, who watched this.  In the video, there is:

  • unsanctioned use of the Muppets that would probably get this video taken down if anyone at the Muppets knew what Oregon football was
  • Puddles coming out of a port-o-potty and spraying something in the air (clear duck urine, I think)
  • being sprayed with fire extinguishers
  • dancing on a boat with a half naked guy who is also drugged
  • dancing on a dock with about two dozen half naked guys on drugs
  • Puddles being raped in an elevator (watch the video, it actually is more convincing than this already convincing photo)

  • A cute girl about to hook up with Puddles (good for Puddles, but that’s bestiality)
  • Unauthorized use of Yoda, created by a Trojan, sold to Disney this week for 4 billion dollars
  • Puddles mugging a version of the Stanford tree (I actually totally endorse this and possibly the bestiality)
  • Puddles humping the back of a man’s head

 

So look, I really dig all the hot cheerleaders (even if they aren’t Song Girls, who invented being hot), but when LSU gets their mascot in an EA commercial and the Duck is tripping on acid and having sex raves to a flash in the pan K-Pop song, we’re not screaming “relevant”.

Again, none of this is going to matter on the field and I expect a war and take it from the Bearfighter, I will be ready to shake hands with my new Oregon neighbors in either outcome.  Ultimately, I was just giving advice.

My advice to Matty Trojan and the team?  Don’t turn the ball over.  Wrap up your tackles.  Don’t take cheap shots and WIN THE DAY.  See what I did there.

PREDICTIONS:

I predict I will be watching this game in a hotel room in Oregon.

USC 56
Oregon 55.5 (3OT)

I think it’s a game for the ages.  The excitement may be too much for Puddles.  EMTs are on the scene if he ODs on cocaine.

KIFFIN OUTFIT PREDICTION:

I think I am going to be wrong, but I know the athletic department reads this.  Kiffin must come out in all black.  A black visor even.  We need evil Kiffin this game.  He should make out with Layla in the tunnel, sprint on the field and pinch Chip Kelly’s man boobs.  That’s what it will take to beat a VERY GOOD Duck squad.

2 PT CONVERSIONS

We’ve totally shit the bed on these.  None.  Who cares.

KYLE NEGRETE PREDATOR DRONES

Look, he better not have to punt much or this will be a tough one to win.  That said, if he has a mustache going for Movember, it will strike fear into the hearts of the Ducks, the only down side being that it will probably make Puddles try and hump the back of his head like that guy on the dock.

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by | October 22, 2012

Arrogant Game Recap: Colorado Buffs

Gave strong consideration to simply posting “Colorado blows” and then hitting post and saving my juice for Arizona, my home away from home.  Instead, I am going to stream of consciousness.

First of all, Chip Kelly tried to have me killed.  I have been sick for over a week and the only type of sick that’s ever kept me in battle for over a week was cancer.  It was weapons grade Duck Flu and don’t think I won’t see it coming next time.  I was in Urgent Care at 9 am on gameday demanding high fructose antibiotic serum injected into my forehead regardless of symptoms.  Luckily, the doctor on call went to USC (no joke) and gave me a cocktail of meds that would render me able to get to the game, but I would lose all appearances as a human.  Fair trade.

Look, you haven’t lived until you see football in this state.  I ran into people from high school who were giving me odd looks, later I realized this was because the sheer amount of meds I was on had me buzzing like an alarm clock.  They probably thought I might raid their medicine cabinets.  I was in a bad way, but it was important to attend this game in person.  I’ll save that for another day (ominous Bearfighter foreshadow, non-health related, fear not).

Sadly, my battle to stay conscious on meds was the most interesting battle of the game.  That is not to say it was not a hilarious, old-fashioned arrogant romp, the exact kind of thing we needed going into the meat of our schedule.  As a meat eater, this is my favorite.  Give me November football regardless of outcome.  I want the old 96′er every weekend, I’ll finish it.

It was obvious Colorado was going to lose the minute they came out of the tunnel.  They were doing some sort of jog.  It was a team jog.  It was like a menopausal run club jogging around a high school track in the Midwest.  I’m not using hyperbole.  They came out of the tunnel like they were nervous the game would go too long and they’d miss the first act of Book of Mormon.  I turned to my friends and said “fear the cloud god” and then realized that was the meds talking.  Then I told them “these guys are going to get destroyed”.

I was right on both counts.  USC had scored three times in the first 6 minutes of the game and the cloud god really shouldn’t be fucked with.

This game was honestly kind of boring.  We were never on offense because the minute we had it we scored.  Everyone rooting for this type of performance every week, realize you have to watch a lot of bad offense from the other team.  It’s like having to eat a truck load of broccoli just to get a bite of steak.  The steak was cooked perfectly though, so I had fun.  Also, meds are crazy.

Kyle Negrete running at 2pt conversion in, having it called back for being too awesome and then clanking the extended PA was super arrogant.  Ever more arrogant was the fact I never considered the possibility that any points we left on the board would come back to haunt us unless points on the board can somehow die and become ghosts.  That was the only way because Colorado is like the first person you hook up with after a serious breakup.  Who cares what it’s like, it’s a win, it wasn’t difficult and you really won’t need to think about it again for at least a year.

Geno Smith shit the bed and Matt Barkley shit on the competition.  He’s back in prime position for his NYC trip and if we win out, he’s going to get the hardware.  Lots of ifs, but nothing much has changed.  Looking at the BCS and our schedule and the schedule of the top ten, all USC has to do is win out and it’s almost inconceivable they wouldn’t get a shot at Alabama.  That said, we play for Rose Bowls, so a win next week is the next step.

But on the subject of Barkley.  19 of 20, the one incompletion was a drop?  298 yards and 6 TDs?  He also played for half a game.  Sometimes I wish Kiffin would just let us score 100 points to make a point.  The point that we can do it when we want to, but we just don’t.  Not with the cloud god watching.  We pLAy for the cloud god.

So, a record setting day for Matt and Robert Woods.  Nothing is quite as arrogant as the fact that for all the hoopla about the offenses in the Pac-12, the wide open play and the existence of the Ducks, the USC touchdowns thrown record IS the Pac-12′s record.

The videos that were canned for Matt and Robert were great.  The highlights for me were seeing Carson jump into frame when Matt Leinart was congratulating Barkley.  I mean who doesn’t get a kick out of seeing those two together, laughing at how Matt just gets millions and does nothing and how Carson wore pads and made Leinart look tiny.  In the end, Leinart still says scoreboard to Carson.

I enjoyed Keyshawn telling Robert his receptions record meant he was just a little, tiny bit better than him.  Good Trojan moment reflecting our arrogance.  Key would not give that up unless it was deserved, but you saw his personality.  He was giving Robert his due and truthfully, Robert has done as much as anyone but Matty Trojan to bring this team back to where it is (and it’s further than you think).

The third part I loved was Matt’s face when his video ended.  When I wrote the post asking him to stay, it was for moments like this.  I said it then, I’ll say it again so the cloud god hears…  We want Matt to hold our records and represent us no matter what bowl we go to or what happens with the Heisman.  He’s everything we want to be and him smiling like an asshole (in a good way) taking in a big moment made me really happy in the big picture sense.  Our guy is being written in the book.  Robert too.  These are the guys we want written in ink.  It’s great to see it happen.

It’s also great to see how awful Colorado is.  With Washington State probably becoming a goodish team over the next few, we’re going to need a perennial doormat and Colorado seems totally stoked to do so.  They even bring a white doormat to put out on the fifty yard line to remind them of who they are.  It’s tradition they jog passed it before every game before checking the snow report and ignoring the fact they are being ransacked like buffaloes by rifles shot from a passing train in the 1800s.

I didn’t even predict a final score for them.  I was impressed they kicked two FGs.  I am so glad that while we will rotate with the Oregon and Washington schools every year, we’ll always have you Ralphie.  We’ll always have you.  And your wonky older brother Utah, who kind of sucks too.

So here’s where the rubber meets the road.  Too many people thinking about the polls.  Think about wins.  Nothing can keep us out of the Rose Bowl if we win out and a large part of me would be stoked about a Rose Bowl win.  It’s been a few years and we got so used to Rose Bowl wins as consolation prizes for not winning it all, I was blown away seeing Oregon flip their shit for winning their first one in 100 years.  Or since like, radio.  Or sliced bread.

Oregon flipped out for something we have done I think like four times in a ten year period and would have done more if we didn’t play in two National Titles and an Orange Bowl.  I would be thrilled to have a great Pasadena day in January.

That said, for those of you needing to watch the polls, just look to K-State.  They are the only team that winning out will prevent us from going contingent on us winning out our very tough schedule.  I mean, Oregon State is going to lose.  K-State may not.  Every week, a win.  We’re rolling now.

I’m spent and not 100%.  I’ll be watching the Zona game from the Four Seasons in Maui, the Bearfighter needs a break and when I return, we’ll keep it super real and talk Oregon (in more ways than one).  Let’s get the win and then I promise an interesting week on this blog.

Last note, in my medicine haze I was wandering down the Row to my car and saw a kid in what appeared to be a bootleg Arrogant Nation shirt.  I was initially like “who fucks with the Bearfighter” and then after consulting the cloud god I realized what a total compliment this was.  I made a turn towards Adams and then hear my name shouted out.  I turn, it’s that crew pumping fists and yelling “I love your shit” or something like that.  Totally worthwhile.  Everytime I get someone at the Coli high five me, toss me a beer, the legend grows and my heart is happy.  You arrogant bastards make every word worth it.

Hell with a pen wherever that paper is.

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by | February 27, 2012

Oregon Needs to Pick a Side

Let me be the first to clarify two points.  The first is, I don’t practice Schadenfreude, which is of course, the German word for enjoying the misery of others.  As much as I tease UCLA and as fun as it is to beat them 50-0, I admit I miss having a rival we were excited to play.  I root for UCLA to return to a level where they do more than tout “spoiling” a national title 6 years ago when a month later we just won the Rose Bowl (again) in their home stadium.  I want USC v UCLA to mean something.  If we’re ranked 1, I want them ranked 2 and I want to beat them every time.  Right now it’s like stepping on ants and I don’t really get off on that other than in a “damn, that was hilarious” sort of way.  And I come to football games to rock out, not laugh.  Go laugh in a Judd Apatow film.

The second point is that I don’t take any NCAA sanctions seriously because ultimately, they aren’t an organization to be taken seriously.  I mean, when a clown sprays water in your face out of a flower on his lapel, you don’t beat his ass because he is a clown and how seriously do you need to take a confusing, harmless attack from a clown.  For my drunk readers, I think the NCAA are clowns wearing clown shoes.

So let’s be clear.  Whatever Oregon did, whatever punishment they get, it doesn’t matter and I am not rooting for it based on wanting Oregon to be labelled cheaters.  I am not rooting for it because I think the NCAA will be serving any kind of justice in this or any sanctions situation.  I mean, Miami AD Paul Dee, who was letting a ten year cocaine-brothel-abortion-service-booze-cruise go on during his watch was the guy chosen to deem USC guilty of “needing” to know that Reggie Bush and his parents were taking thousands of dollars from a third party that had nothing to do with USC.  When you hire a murderer to be the judge at a murder trial, it’s sort of hard to take the whole thing seriously.

So basically, whatever Oregon gets, I doubt it has anything to do with student athletes, cheating or the like.  It will have only to do with the NCAA trying to hold onto control of something the world knows slipped through its greasy fingers:  credibility.

Here’s what I am rooting for to come out of the acceleration of Oregon’s recruiting saga woes.  I am rooting for Oregon to get labeled with things similar to what USC got labeled with.  I am rooting for this because after years of writing this blog, I have found the Oregon Duck fan to be the most delusional fan there is west of the SEC.

This is a generalization to be sure.  I know many Ducks that are awesome people, great adversaries in football conversation and prognostication, but when you look at the comments I’ve received over the years on this blog, Oregon’s bottom of the barrel lies somewhere deeper than the wreckage of the Titanic.

So before I continue, if you are a rational Oregon fan, understand that I don’t think you guys did anything that wrong and whatever penalty you get doesn’t mean anything to me.  If they made you vacate wins, I wouldn’t assume you lost those games.  This is addressed to your insane masses that somehow made the grade enough to avoid becoming a Beaver and learned how to comment on this blog.  Making sure we’re clear.  Yes I will drink northwest beer with you cool Oregon fans at the Coli this year.  Please just keep the extras from Deliverance away from me.

The Oregon fanatic is a crazy specimen I have been studying for years.  There are complicated mathematical formulas guiding selective memory at play.  Oregon doesn’t want to talk about “program history”, so do not ever try to use the argument that winning dozens of Rose Bowls over the course of a century means anything to them.  History includes all years prior to 2008.

The Oregon fan considered 2008 on as the only thing that mattered because it is the present (I never bothered to explain how 2008 was in fact, in the past) until last year of course, where Oregon lost to USC at home without ever possessing the lead.  Then, the present included their “triumph” over UCLA in the Pac 12 “championship” and their stirring nailbiter against a Big Ten team earning them a Rose Bowl, which was their first ever considering the last one they won wasn’t even called a Rose Bowl it was so long ago.

So the present was everything from 2008 on except for the loss in Eugene which didn’t count because of bad clock management (because clock management failure is a fluke as all football fans know *choking on sarcasm*), a kick that should have gone in (because college kickers are automatic, right?) and because if there were five more minutes Oregon would have won (which there would have been if the kicker hit the FG and we went into the magical land of overtime, football’s convenient answer to games that need five more minutes to decide a winner).

Do not mention to them that USC traveled a severely reduced squad due to sanctions preparation that probably contributed to letting a 34-14 lead dwindle or the fact that USC fumbled a botched hand-off on the way into the endzone (or at least a chip shot FG) because those things weren’t factors, that was just Oregon being “the better team”.  Naturally, the better team usually spots a 34-14 lead at home, mismanages the clock and misses clutch field goals against a squad short on replacements…

So, when Oregon snuck out a press release on Friday before the world went out to drink and meet attractive people detailing basically that they are in negotiations with the NCAA on their punishment, I couldn’t help but laugh at the dates.  2008-2011.  From my scientific analysis of the amoebas that latch onto my Oregon articles (soon to include this one no doubt), those are the exact dates of the only time in college football history Oregon counts.  I don’t care about a bowl ban, I don’t care about scholarship reductions, we’ve already beaten them with half a deck.  I care about the most meaningless penalty associated with NCAA sanctions.  I am talking about a penalty so stupid, only idiots could care about it.

I’m talking vacated wins.

Oregon is going to great lengths to kiss some NCAA ass in hopes of a lesser sentence.  Nike is working overtime to make calls to protect the school they dressed in ass-backwards uniforms so colorful the world couldn’t ignore them.  I have zero doubt that despite the fact the “failure to monitor” term is being tossed around like in the Ohio State case, they will get even less of a slap on the wrist than tOSU did.  I am expecting this to be something AT MAX like probation, maybe a 1 year bowl ban and possibly some ceremonial loss of scholarship(s) that wouldn’t dent a paper airplane.

The recruiting services listed (3 of them) include one that helped scout LaMichael James.  This means that it is at least possible that they will need to forfeit wins from games he helped him win from the time of offense, which being that this is recruiting-based, should count all games he played in (as opposed to Reggie Bush whose impact was counted from the time he took benefits).

Willie Lyles and LaMichael James. Don't call it a Seastrunk only issue.

There is a possibility to make the sanctions seem more stringent, they will vacate wins.  3 Pac 10/12 championships, wins against USC and their precious Rose Bowl.

Now, USC never bat an eye at this for a couple of reasons.  One, it’s really dumb to vacate wins because everyone knows who won.  It’s just for history books and in the end, this period in history is going to be remembered as the fall of the NCAA, not anything else.  Hell, I feel bad for Oregon because now they are dating the crazy girl.

The other reason USC never tripped out was the we played in national titles in both years we vacated wins.  The first time, the AP didn’t make us give up our title.  Given the 2003 split title the NCAA recognizes on their own website where the AP deemed USC the champions and LSU the BCS champions, why on earth would USC un-claim the 2004 title where they were stripped of the BCS title, but not of the AP.  If the AP was good enough for 2003, it is good enough for 2004.  I mean, the NCAA is so screwed up they still list USC as the 2004 BCS champion on their website without an asterisk.  I mean, between that and Paul Dee presiding over the USC hearings, I think the NCAA is the institutional control issue.

You can't make this sh*t up.

As for 2005, we didn’t win the title, so vacating a loss doesn’t mean much.  Basically, in USC’s case, vacating wins didn’t mean we lost a national title claim and it isn’t like any team we beat suddenly felt like they won.  Combine that with the normal winning mentality USC has (see our preseason rankings), and we didn’t trip (and yes the bearfighter played a role in that arrogance).

Oregon is in a different boat.  The AP ranking means nothing when it comes to bowl wins.  While USC was deemed #1 when the AP didn’t strip their championship trophy even though USC vacated a Rose Bowl win, Oregon never won a title.  There is no AP help.

If Oregon vacates their Rose Bowl, they are Rose Bowless.  They will have to vacate their Pac championships.  Their selection slice of relevant history will not exist in “the books”.

While I don’t give a shit about the books, I have never been so sure they would suffer from LSU-itis.  They will never get over the fact that it “wasn’t fair”.

Meanwhile, no school has called USC cheaters more, no school has tried to enjoy USC’s supposed setbacks more than Oregon.  When my high school baseball coach saw a friend of mine pump his fist after hitting a home run, he chewed him out and said “act like you’ve been there before”.  Now, that coach was a huge dick, but acting like you been there before is a good concept for a program trying to make a point they belong.

As the bearfighter often gets to, I sit on the veranda watching the approaching shit storm enjoying what either outcome is.  In USC’s case, I predicted everything that would happen either way our sanctions hearing went.  I said if they let us off, we’ll enjoy another normal year of SC football.  If they hit us hard, I’ll draft a wildly successful blog and USC will win a ton of games anyway while the NCAA chokes away its control as the curtain gets peeled back to reveal the widespread filth they try to rationalize.  Either way I would be happy.  The road less traveled was better in this case.  Proof is that you are reading this.

In the Oregon case, I get the same joy.  Depending on what happens, Oregon fans will have to decide.  Is the NCAA full of shit or not?

I long to see their quacking faithful try to explain the differences between football programs and penalties.  This is Oregon getting in trouble for how they do business.  If “everyone is doing it”, then I guess USC didn’t do anything wrong either, did they Oregon?

If they admit they were wrong (which the athletic dept. at Oregon is sure going to great lengths to do, what cowards) then I guess they will own up to the fact the vacated wins were just.  I guess they will be Rose Bowless again.  I guess their 3 years Pac title streak didn’t count.  Wait, who was the last team to win the Pac 10 title before them?  Oh wow.  It was USC…

So wait, if they vacate wins and USC wins this year, I guess our consecutive streak might resume?

The possibilities are totally endless.  The end result for me is that I really don’t care.  The NCAA is a joke as an institution.  That said, what I look forward to is watching a mid-level program that is just figuring out how to play on the national stage with a fan base that can’t act like they’ve been there before (because they haven’t) come to terms with the possibility that according to a system they used to condemn USC, they in fact have actually been on a 3 year losing streak in which they dressed up like idiots for nothing.

Now by all means.  Discuss.  Can’t wait.  I don’t have a dog in the fight.  After all, we beat Oregon last year and I’m sure Lyles was doing things clean just like the NCAA’s investigation…

Guessing the link to buy Oregon Rose Bowl gear is so fans can get them while they are still factual?

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by | January 23, 2012

Chip Kelly Flirting With Pros for Recruits?

The college football world was rocked (I’m kidding, no one really cared) when Darron Thomas announced he was going to declare for the NFL draft despite the fact he will be lucky to be drafted.  Many project him to be picked up in the supplemental draft and he will spend most of the actual draft day just like we will, which is not expecting to be picked by an NFL team.

He had some quote about how he had accomplished everything he could possibly accomplish at Oregon.  In his mind, he was thinking “win a Rose Bowl, wear lots of outfits, figure out I don’t like taking classes, play in a national championship”.  The rest of us, once we got over shaking our heads at someone leaving a year early to at best be a late round pick comparing himself to Cam Newton, who schooled his ass in last years BCS Championship, had plenty of suggestions for Darron as to things he had yet to accomplish.

I started a list and netted out with wild concepts like “win a national title, win a Heisman, have a winning bowl record, beat a Big Ten team that’s actually ranked in the single digits, wait to go pro when someone actually wants you at the pro level”…  I don’t know.  But yeah, Darron, you schooled the world.

With LaMichael James set to be a late round pick and Darron set to, well, not play in college anymore, I thought that was that.  But then Chip Kelly, the chubbiest Pac 12 coach to wear a visor, said he was going to the pros to coach Tampa Bay.

Immediately, most of us thought this was because of sanctions he knew were coming (and probably still are now that the NCAA has reloaded with a new set of totally arbitrary guidelines for grasping for control of their runaway business).  I mean, how could you announce you are leaving right before signing day?

Then when it was reported that he was coming back, I started thinking this was all about Nike.  I mean, Nike must have told LeBron it was okay to make “The Decision” the way he did.  When Barkley announced he was coming back, it was just that.  He announced he was COMING BACK.  When Holmes Kalil (spaced on that one) went pro, he just went pro and issued a statement.

I started to wonder if this whole thing was about diagnosing most recruit’s main concern about Oregon:  their offense is a gimmick and their players are low draft picks.

Looking at the record and this upcoming class, winning games at Oregon does not lead to high draft status.  Calling plays based off cartoons on poster boards isn’t going to help you beat the Ravens.  And the NFL knows this which is why you are hard pressed to find a dearth of Oregon NFL offensive juggernauts (right now, some Duck fan is rushing to comment and talk to me about LeGarrette Blount, but please don’t, it makes you looks stupid).

Is it possible that Chip Kelly talking with the pros was to show Oregon recruits that Chip’s unique brand of “blow big games” is a pathline to playing on Sundays?  (Oregon fan who was gonna post about Blount, please also save the “we won the Rose Bowl post”.  I know, it’s amazing, you’ve done it once a century.  And you beat a team you were ranked way above because you didn’t have to play the USC team that never gave up a lead in beating you.  Also, USC has won almost 2.5 times more Rose Bowls than Oregon has won “bowls in general”.  Honestly, I can’t off the top of my head remember how many we even won in the 2000s because the Orange Bowl wins confuse me.  So please, spare us.  We’re glad you won a Rose Bowl.  Now win 5 more bowls and have a 500 record in postseason play.  You guys make UCLA look historically relevant.)

So, was this what Chip’s plan was?  Did Phil Knight threaten to kill him if he left?  I am so confused.  All we heard was Chip Kelly say he had “unfinished business”.

Really, Chip?  I mean, your “win the day” shit was the biggest Pete Carroll “win forever” rip off ever.  Now you steal Matt Barkley’s “unfinished business” line?

How dumb are you?  The one thing that scared me about USC this season is that they might not play with the same chip on their shoulder.  They will be ranked higher than Oregon, favored to make the national title.  It will be 2005 all over again (hopefully minus the Lyles type sanctions drama Oregon is heading for).

Why on EARTH would a team that got exposed by USC at home be helping them keep the chip on their shoulder?  Why would  a coach jack a player’s swag?  I mean, Matt and Co. already provided the blueprint for beating Oregon (we stole it from Auburn and LSU), which is take your time scoring, small and fast linebackers, sound tackling and bet that they can’t go deep on you.  The only thing that was going to trip SC up this year was complacency.

So thanks Chip.  Glad you have unfinished business too.  See you in November.

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