Hate Mail from ATX

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I’m really out of retirement for the moment. I’ve been waiting for this for years. I’m bringing back hate mail. Here’s a Texas fan I won’t name’s troll from my post yesterday. Presented without edit.

There’s a reason why Austin is full of Angelinos and not vice versa.

There’s a reason why Texas is a one word school- and you are a football school with a well known film/arts program, or to most of the country as, that other LA university that’s more expensive but easier to get into than UCLA.

You are the Oklahoma, of California, who needs athletics and will do anything to win, rules be damned, to get there.

We are a flagship academic university known for its research and its graduates- we seek to emulate Stanford, whereas you seek to win a football game against Stanford.

There’s a reason why losing to us hurts much more than losing to an Alabama or Oregon- it’s because you lost to a school and a program whose athletics are the icing on our cake- and not just your ‘cake.’

It’s why, as another posted mentioned, we’ve been living rent free in your head for over a decade.

Enjoy your meaningless win as we rebuild, we’ll be back on track shortly. Try not to get caught cheating again so we can meet once again in a bowl game.

Now, as was the great tradition of the olden days. His response again, with my comments in Cardinal:

There’s a reason why Austin is full of Angelinos and not vice versa.
Not to bring facts to a bullshit storm, but if your made up stat is true, here’s why it would be.

Austin is just way cheaper than Los Angeles. And Texas doesn’t have state income tax. So, yeah. I’m guessing plenty of Angelenos come for tech jobs and barbeque and gladly drive your real estate prices up. Just like I did in Portland, which is Austin with pine trees and good beer. It’s not something to brag about. It’s how you will end up living in North Carolina and Texas becomes a blue state.

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Or, another thought: Los Angeles has 3.9 million people living in it. Austin has 950,000. I understand behavioral economics escapes you. We’re talking about probability via the represenativeness heuristic. There are way more Angelenos than Austinites. That means there are more likely to be more Angelenos living in ANY city than Austinites. Dallas. San Francisco. New York. Fargo. You try, pick a city. There’s tons of them to choose from.

So, you’re probably right. I just wish you knew why you were right. 

There’s a reason why Texas is a one word school (what word?) – and you are a football school with a well known film/arts program (2005 film school grad, thx for the love), or to most of the country as, that other LA university that’s more expensive but easier to get into than UCLA (UCLA acceptance rate is actually higher than USC, but whatever, fuck facts).

Putting the prestige of my personal degree out of the way, let’s just talk rankings. USC, Emory, Berkeley and UCLA are all tied at #21 in the 2018 US News and World Report rankings just below Georgetown and just above Carnegie Mellon. In other news, Texas is tied for #56 with Ohio State. Ooph.

You are the Oklahoma, of California, who needs athletics and will do anything to win, rules be damned, to get there.

I’ll skip explaining our sanctions to you. Todd McNair is about to be rich because the NCAA overstepped.

I’d rather point out that I don’t know what the Oklahoma of California is, but there are literally 10 California schools rated higher than Texas. You guys are more like the Oklahoma of UC Davis. And that’s being disrespectful to Davis who did a lot for craft beer.

We are a flagship academic university known for its research and its graduates – we seek to emulate Stanford (California school, so not Texas forever of you), whereas you seek to win a football game against Stanford (technically, we seek to win football games against whoever we play. Don’t you? Not lately, but in general, I mean?).

Look. Our endowment is literally 1 billion dollars ($1,000,000,000) more than yours (4.6 v 3.6).
Our acceptance rate is 16.5% v your 39%. More than 1 of every three people who fill out a Texas application get in.

To respect Stanford, their endowment is 22 billion. Their acceptance rate is less than 5%. If you are emulating Stanford, you’re doing a bad job of it. Texas is about as exclusive as a bar on 6th Street on a Tuesday night.

There’s a reason why losing to us hurts much more than losing to an Alabama or Oregon- it’s because you lost to a school and a program whose athletics are the icing on our cake- and not just your ‘cake.’

See above point. Your cake is stale. Your icing is runny. The only thing I envy about Texas is proximity to burnt ends, which are delicious.

It’s why, as another posted mentioned, we’ve been living rent free in your head for over a decade.

Yeah. You have been. We’re not used to tragic losses to teams that overachieved. That was sort of the point of the post. 

Enjoy your meaningless win as we rebuild, we’ll be back on track shortly. Try not to get caught cheating again so we can meet once again in a bowl game.

We’re competing for a national title this year so a win would be meaningful for us. And when you say get back on track, I’d focus that energy on “emulating Stanford” some more. With all these Californians moving to Austin, you’ll need a prestigious degree to find work.

20 Comments

Filed under USC Football

20 Responses to Hate Mail from ATX

  1. Louis Pappas

    As always, stellar. Bourbon at the Coli on Saturday! Fight On!

  2. Alex Baik

    God I missed you.

  3. a

    Legendary response – made my day.

  4. El Quixotian

    Glad to see he’s already conceded the loss….

  5. Rojotoro

    I have daughters, I want you to marry one of them.

    The only thing you left out of your reply
    to TexasTroll”onaroll” is to remind him that I
    would’ve been his father if the Rottweiler hadn’t
    beaten me up the stairs.

    Win, place, and show, God smiles upon
    thee.

    R.

  6. Kimi

    Speaking as a Texan who became a Trojan, all of this was so true. There’s a reason why Texans move to LA as well! (Try a million of them, all at USC). This football season has been missing the Arrogant Nation posts- I hope you keep it up after Texas!

  7. Jon Jenninguez

    Judging by your response, you don’t know what behavioral economics is. Minor quibble, maybe. But what else might you have wrong?

  8. Jon Jenninguez

    Oh, and the academic community nearly universally prefers the below rankings to the beauty contest that is the US News rankings. C’mon, man, I can’t help you with everything. But keep your chin up, USC is like the eighth best school in your state. The sky’s the limit!

    https://www.timeshighereducation.com/student/best-universities/best-universities-united-states#survey-answer

  9. Jon Jenninguez

    My goodness, this is getting old. You’ve shown you can accomplish a rudimentary Google search to find the UT-Austin endowment, but you don’t have the requisite knowledge to interpret its result. Our endowment is far larger and provides far greater annual benefits. Space constraints here necessitate you digging a bit further for the truth. You won’t do it, so I’ll educate you because I care. The UT system endowment is currently about $24b. Here’s a layman’s version of how we share it, so you can follow along.

    https://alcalde.texasexes.org/2012/07/how-ut-shares-its-endowment/

  10. Jon Jenninguez

    I’ll continue, cause Friday y’all! Your acceptance rate gibberish betrays your fundamental lack of knowledge regarding the differing missions of public vs private institutions. But congrats, USC is about the 32nd most discriminating private school.

  11. Jon Jenninguez

    Wow, tragic. Blocking the comments that undress you and steal your milk money. Your internal narrative will no longer be confident and arrogant. Instead, you will enter all future exchanges such as these with the voice chanting “coward, fraud, coward, fraud…”. Truly disheartening.

  12. Trojan Mafia

    Always wondered what kind of people vote for Ted Cruz. Now we know. #FTFO

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