You are going to call this sour grapes because I am about as hardcore of a Dodger fan as there is. Sour grapes because the Dodgers lost to the Cards so naturally I must be grasping for straws. I’m not. I’m sad we lost, but I am quite content with the rapid stocking of our farm system, the signing of Alex Guerrero and the possibility of pairing Tanaka with Kershaw, Greinke, Ryu for years to come. I fully accept the Cards winning, they deserved it and while I am upset about it, I am trying hard to make you understand that what I am about to write is for your own good.
Boston fans are myopic and assume the world cares about Boston sport more than the world does. St. Louis fans feel like they are the gatekeepers of some ancient form of old timey baseball code, the knights templar of the only reasonable activity in St. Louis beyond getting drunk and eating toasted ravioli until you pass out.
So when these two fan bases got together for a wildly entertaining, poorly played at times, roller coaster of a series that got pretty good ratings, you knew there’d be some love fest about, well, the old timey nature of this series.
And then the Red Sox put out this ad in a St. Louis newspaper:
I’ve seen this popping up via social from Cards fans predictably calling this a classy move. I need to educate you that this is in no way a classy move. This is a giant FUCK YOU, SCOREBOARD disguised in very east coast faux-humble hat tip that the Red Sox organization is correctly betting the St. Louis Knights Templar of Old Timey Conduct will let sail over their head.
The big wigs even signed it.
This is a man sleeping with your wife and then telling you “don’t worry, she told me she appreciates the sex you guys used to have.”
This is referring to your “midwestern” hospitality the way racist ass explorers used to chronicle friendly, inferior civilizations they ran across.
St. Louis, they are drinking your milkshake and you and thanking them.
I get it if a Red Sox fan has this conversation at a bar with a Cardinals fan and there’s an exchange of handshakes and a round of bourbon. I get how that is old timey. I’m not saying as fans you need to be dicks and shove olive branches back up the offerers ass (but we’d do that in Los Angeles). I’m saying you should take a note from the outfield bleacher fans at Wrigley and throw this gentle FUCK YOU ad back into the outfield grass.
Like I said, I fully appreciate the Cards and their NLCS win. I was impressed with Wacha to no end. We definitely lost and there’s no ifs, ands or buts about it. Sure, I’m consoling myself with our 6 billion (it looks better like this: 6,000,000,000) TV deal, league leading home and road attendance and already-established pre-season odds to win the World Series (bound to happen sometime). I’m doing what I can to get ready for next year.
What I am not doing is letting the Cards put a full-page ad in the LA Times that psychologically states “we had fun playing with you before we ate you.”
In fact, there’s a lesson to be learned from the Dodgers about old timey baseball, frankly the current Dodgers could learn from this to. When the Dodgers lost, it was ten seconds before our drunk ass bum mascot was in an ad saying WAIT TIL NEXT YEAR.
And 1952 wasn’t our year either. Old Timey is never saying die and it’s definitely saying that after the handshakes are done, we go back to our training camps and get ready to win it next year.
Really, St. Louis? You like this giant FUCK YOU in your newspaper from 3 rich guys that just took the thing you wanted most? Really? How much InBevweiser are you drinking?
Cards fans, I respect that you know the game. A part of me dies when our crowd does the wave at Chavez Ravine. I hate when people cheer at fly balls without looking to see the outfielder’s clear reaction that this is a routine pop up. I hate the DH. Look, I totally appreciate what the Cardinal Way is.
There was a Dodger Way too and Kasten is trying to get back there, home grown talent, best scouting in the league. Hell, you got a Dodger’s number retired in your stadium and that happened because we integrated baseball. We invented the box score. We invented night games. We invented most of the international scouting practices that exist (Dominican and Japan). We altered our uniforms (the red numbers) for visibility on black and white television.
We know thing or two about Old Timey, but we know a thing or two about adapting to the future. At no time is this Red Sox humble brag acceptable. Your grandpa, who was old timey as fuck, would never have stood for this and he probably killed Nazis.
I don’t have a dog in the fight. My dog is cashing checks and buying more talent for the farm and for the field and we’ll line ‘em back up and see who falls next season.
But humble advice from a fan of a team with it’s own legacy of WS titles, ROYs, Cy Youngs and pennants… The first step towards “wait til next year” is calling Boston’s bluff. If this was reversed, they’d have burnt every copy of the paper in Boston and possibly tore down the arch.
Don’t let the sugar coating fool your tastebuds. This was tasteless.
And since they rubbed your nose in it, how did it smell?
St. Louis fans that agree with me (and I know you are out there), let me know in the comments so I can stand proud with my national league brothers, even if I will spend the next five months dreaming of beating you.
Don’t let Boston win off the field too. They called you quaint. They hid it behind a picture of kids. They pointed out the Midwest (and news flash, when people from the East do that, it’s like calling you “salt of the earth”). They put Stan the Man in the same sentence as Dustin fucking Pedroia. They thanked you for helping them win. They said they hope to see you in October again and that’s because lately, they beat you in October. They love you because you got picked off at first base and because like Kershaw, Wacha became human.
Politely, fuck those guys. You’re better than that. And I hate saying that to you because I hate you, but I hate you for being good which is why I am never going to thank you, but I am never going to argue your greatness. Except when you let Boston take a dump on your fans. Just because they dressed this turd up for Halloween, doesn’t change what it was.
Up to you guys. Have a short winter. See you on the diamond.