Thursday is the new Friday again, Arrogant Nation. That’s a big win for the agency because we’re going to talk last week and this week today. As in right now.
Tonight is the Fall Sports Rally at Galen and for the first time in 3 years I am not hosting it. I want to believe this is because I am in Portland, but maybe it’s my documentary or my newfound “keeping it realositiy” that went on during the game on Twitter.
I decided that live tweeting is more fun that a traditional recap (although if there’s an epic game, you know I’ll weigh in like the Bearfighter I am). I mean, having fun at Kiffin’s expense was so fruitful, I was trending in Los Angeles. From Portland. Because two quarterbacks. Arrogant.
Truth is, we all evolve. I don’t want to stay the same. I want to talk football and continue to bleed so much Trojan blood that I use it for bitters in my Old Fashioneds. That said, you can expect me to be LIVE TWEETING every game I can, so if you don’t follow me yet, maybe FOLLOW ME. To the death.
THE PART WHERE I SUM UP THE HAWAII GAME…
I dunno. I’m torn.
Let’s start with some positives. Kiffin came out in all white like some ghostly necromancer committed to not committing on anything. Larry Scott already ruined our college football opening day by scheduling us on Thursday so “more people would watch it” which I am sure they didn’t. At least Kiffin’s white knight visor costume was there to remind us of days passed.
Let’s talk about Clancy’s Ghost Recon 5-2. I loved it. As much as Hawaii sucks at everything but vacation, they commit hard to testing DBs. We took the ball four times from a team that often drops 24 points on their opponent even when getting blown out.
It was all about swarming the QB and beating his ass as much as possible. This year, the way to slow down the up-tempo spread is going to be to hit the QB in the backfield when he playfakes or does anything deceptive. When the Oregons of the world have a running back and a wide out converge in the backfield, the game plan is “kill the QB” because he “might” have the ball. I think this team is suited to execute that.
Defense will keep us in some games. I’m hopeful.
Also, Tre Madden and Justin Davis showed a lot of moxie, burst, wheels, [insert word] in that second half when our O Line started to get it together.
Albarado’s pink punting boot and George Uko’s belly also are candidates for player of the game.
On the bad side, our O Line didn’t block in that first half (which largely fucked Kessler) and Marqise Lee forgot how to catch the ball and turned a 300 yard game into a 100 yard game (which fucked Wittek).
These factors led us to have NO STARTING FUCKING QB AND NOW IT IS WEEK TWO. At least we are 1-0…
THE PART WHERE I TALK ABOUT THE COUGARS.
We get to play Washington State again, which is amazing because they have the worst logo on the planet. It’s like a 4th grade design contest to redesign their logo actually yielded their official logo. What the hell is going on here? I’ll show you in a new feature I call YOUR LOGO SHOULD DIE ALONE.
Refute that. I dare you, Palloose-folk. Look, I’ve been out into the deep woods on Washington now that I live in the northwest and I still can’t find a human that knows where the hell you are hiding your school. I feel like you just give the opposing teams coordinates instead of street directions.
It wasn’t even at this awesome lake I went in to cool my stomach down from bourbon and campfires…
It’s also a team named after the least original cat ever. In fact, it’s a name more associated with mothers that have sex with younger men than cats. I mean, you name your team the Cougars because you just don’t give a shit what you name your team.
How will WSU deal with us not having a quarterback? They’ll have to prepare hard for one QB who throws the ball into the line and one that throws it a mile past everyone. GOOD LUCK GAMEPLANNING THAT.
If there’s one thing to fear this week, it’s the WSU fans who may make the trek. They have an INCREDIBLE booze-drinking reputation. They hit bars and empty kegs. They fucking drank an airplane dry (not sure if that means they drank the blue toilet water and the jet fuel too).
I mean, hide your kegs, hide your wines.
Mike Leach gets his first shot against USC in a series the Trojans own to the tune of 57-8-4. USC are 15 point favorites and assuming Leach doesn’t lock Marqise Lee in a shed before the game (too soon?), we ought to win this one at home.
Ought thought presumes we kick field goals when they are presented, we catch passes and we block people trying to tackle our people.
Kiffin hopefully spent the week flexing, doing uppers and imparting the philosophy that losing the Pac 12 South is one thing, but losing it because you lose at home to the Cougars is another.
QB Connor Halliday went off against Auburn last week, but threw 3 picks. The 5-2 will have to hit him a lot, but when you look like Napoleon Dynamite, there’s no telling how he’ll react.
In fairness, this guy slings the ball, our secondary is a little banged up and if we leave them in the game, the reality that the kid who played banjo in Deliverance might beat us will add unnecessary pressure to the situation.
Need to get it right and get it tight.
THE PART WHERE I PREDICT THE SCORE…
KESSLER USC – 14
WITTEK USC – 17
STIFFLERS MOMS – 17
THE PART WHERE I PLUG SOMETHING COOL…
There’s a dude at my office who loves CFB and he also is hell on a piano. He wanted to commemorate the beginning of football season. Well, read this:
Ansel Wallenfang, a writer, director, classical pianist, and football fanatic currently in Wieden+Kennedy’s W+K 12, made a short film and composition called Fantasy Football and Fugue. As a tribute to the upcoming NFL season, Ansel mashes-up the NFL theme songs of CBS, ESPN, FOX, and NBC through classical counterpoint, stunning photography, and a great sense of humor.
If you don’t want to watch a video like this made by a man named Ansel Wallenfang, you have learned NOTHING FROM ME.
Also, one of his cheerleaders (Shea) was a Song Girl, so click because you are a Trojan and stay for the talent. I got a kick out of it.
CLICK HERE and watch.
FTFO until you PTFO.
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