The beginning of the season is always hard. While USC usually attempts to play a rigorous schedule, it simply isn’t always possible. In fairness, at least we didn’t play ELON like North Carolina did. I don’t even know what that is. I don’t even want to look it up.
The problem with playing teams like Hawaii is that my Arrogant Game Recaps feel very obvious. It’s hard to really dive into the marrow of the game and dissect where we really acted crazy and separated ourselves. I long for the traditional punching bags of the Pac-12, but will have to endure two more weeks. For now, this feels like beating oatmeal with a stick.
So let’s just start with my experience. First of all, hosting the Fall Sports Rally at Galen was awesome. I got to see the Victory Bell up close so I can confirm for Bruins that it still exists (and it didn’t know where Westwood was). I wore a suit because we had unfinished business and I got to get dressed in the Officials’ Locker Room, which was pretty funny because I always assumed those assholes just got dressed in the car or something.
The Athletic Department, Trojan Pride and all the sports teams were a blast to hang out with and at one point I called for coupons to be dropped from the ceiling of the arena. If you ever get the chance to call in an air raid where free things just start falling from the ceiling, I recommend it.
Some of you saw me at the 9-0 after which was a great segue into showing up with @storefrontjenius to Lambda Chi on Game Day with Hawaiian Assassin (my fearless intern) who proceeded to guide us deep into the underbelly of a party that created the same caliber of party sludge that the 9-0 used to. Ahh, college. I felt great. My shoes recognized a good time when they were covered in one.
The gentlemen of the house had bourbon prepared and we hit that like a home run in the 9th inning. Time sort of evaporated until I realized we needed to go see how (not if) Hawaii would die. Also, check out their shirts below. The back says “he wins trophies” and has a picture of Layla. Arrogant. Well done.
Trousdale was in full effect and for the first time since 2005, the bearfighters were out in full force, a sold out experience despite an inferior opponent. Things were getting arrogant really fast. Fraternities going for broke before noon, campus swarming with drunk alumni and that awesome sense of arrogant drumming going on at all times. In the sanctions years, there was still the energy, but the bandwagoners were back making more free booze available for Arrogant Nation, who never left.
I got to use my patented move of high fiving opposing fans and not really giving them a beat on what that was about. Even more special, moreso than any year in the past, people were seeing me and yelling “hey bearfighter” and “arrogant guy!” and things like that. This just feels like the year.
We were running into old friends and new friends left and right. It was a bearfighting convention. Like the first day of school only you’re drunk and instead of homework you just drink more.
In this melee, I was about five seconds late into the stadium which would have been fine had Marqise Lee decided to spread out the 75 yards of receiving he had on the first drive to, say, more than one play. I remember looking at him at the rally and having the distinct sense that if he wanted to time travel, he was fast enough. The dudes’ face looked ripped. So I missed our first TD of the year. Whatever. It was so awesome SportsCenter showed it a billion times and I got my fill.
Lee decided to go for 75 in one play and the game was over. If we want to break it down further, we got to see Norm Chow back in the Coliseum after a week of being on the radio and basically saying they were going to lose, acting like he didn’t give a shit and talking about why he commutes to Hawaii from Manhattan Beach. With that kind of arrogance, you know he won some games at USC. Still, he went to UCLA by choice. Mystery.
We learned a few things from this game. Barkley came back even better. He didn’t throw anything near a pick. Frankly, Woods, Lee and company were a few dropped passes from putting on a historic showing. Everyone can ooh and aah at the Ducks blowing up Arkansas State, but I’ll give you a dollar and a shot of bourbon if you know their mascot, conference and one player on their team without Googling them. Hawaii at least played in a BCS game this decade.
That said, if we want to pick on Oregon this week, let’s pick on the fact they their uniforms looked like sorority rush shirts and their helmets looked like something a local Santa Fe artisan bowl maker would craft out of reclaimed terracotta sprayed neon and grafted with distressed mirrors. And if that isn’t enough, there’s always this:
It’s good to know Puddles is still doing a ton of cocaine and LSD. A part of me wants to stand up and cheer the absolute insanity of this video, but then the rest of me pictures Traveler in an elevator being violated by another mascot, sprayed with a firehose made of cocaine, committing bestiality with cheerleaders, and having an all male swim party like it’s the 2001 Abercrombie summer catalogue and then I am brought back to reality.
Is this what goes down in Oregon? Not when I was there. Also, what was going on when they made the Tree Guy puke in a recycling bin. Puke isn’t paper or plastic. I thought Oregon was into being green. I guess all is fair when you are getting blasted by a firehose of blow.
Between the uniforms and this, there’s something going on at Oregon that is one part Fashion Week and one part Burning Man. They are bringing us into their nightmare…
Oh wait, I was talking about Hawaii. I told you it was hard in the early games.
I think we wanted to see the running game get going more, but it’s hard to gauge it when you are doing whatever you want. Our third down conversions weren’t ideal, probably because of the lack of running the ball, but there was a lot of arrogance to appreciate.
First off, my Kiffin outfit prediction was, as always, spot on. I know it gets more difficult in cold weather games, but look, I aim to kill and I put it down on that prediction. He was a vision of arrogance, being pissed at touchdowns and having a hot wife all day.
Barkley and Lee were arguing over who was better at football which is code for “Marqise, don’t tell me to throw the ball higher, just catch it wherever, what’s the point of being superhuman if you don’t catch everything everywhere”. Literally, he should wear a surgeon’s mask because he’s going to catch whatever flu is going around.
As I predicted, Robert Woods quietly fucked around and grabbed two TDs just to stretch his legs.
My Kyle Negrete Cyborg Leg prediction of three magical predator drones launched was correct, each was beautiful and on one when the returner was getting up field, Kyle literally didn’t have to tackle him because his reputation preceded him. You don’t run over our punter. His cyborg leg decides if it will let you live.
Through some combo of Heidari being hurt and Kiffin being Kiffin, we went for two A LOT and didn’t convert any. Nothing is worse than leaving points on the table and not needing them, except of course losing 50-0. Cough.
Let’s not sweat the nitty gritty here. The bottom line was that we’re the Ferrari in the garage that was just getting the motor running. I agreed arrogantly with 2012 Heisman Winner Matt Barkley in saying we could have scored 100.
An easy 49-10 win, but the AP poll drops us to #2. I know your first reaction is anger. This is wrong. Remember the AP is the only true title this blog recognizes, an organization that keeps sanctioned teams in the poll because logically “if they are allowed to play, they should be ranked” and they are the main reason USC still can claim their back-to-back titles in 2003 and 2004. The NCAA website recognizes a split title in 2003 (crediting the AP), so our AP title in 2004 remains the lone championship awarded. We love the AP.
The worst thing that can happen to USC this year is to get complacent. I’d rather be coming in 2nd and staying hungry. I want us to fight for every inch here. It wasn’t always thousands and thousands of people who read this blog every day. Now, this shit happens (thanks @arrogantnation):
That was in response to Colin Cowherd being asked if he reads this blog. Represent. Our team will end up on top if we attack like freaks all year. And if Marqise Lee scores constantly anytime he is within a mile of the ball like on Saturday.
Let’s also touch on the “sanctions” story about Joe McKnight and Davon Jefferson. I guess you never know what will happen when the NCAA is involved, but this will have zero impact on this season whatsoever. I am still largely in the camp that this gets some form of minor “self-sanction” and that perhaps basketball sits out of the tournament again.
I am never a glass have full or glass have empty guy when it comes to sanctions, I just try to be realistic about the scenario. The NCAA hit USC harder than it wanted to by a man whose time at Miami is leading to sanctions there (wait for it). USC responded by serving their time, hiring the man trusted with uncovering the Penn State details to build our compliance department. We’re the kind of compliance department now that reports players getting golf cart rides from people like Teague Egan.
In the case of Joe, USC reported its findings, the NCAA signed off on them. While this is new information, it’s not a lack of compliance. It’s the case of a criminal (and proclaimed UW fan) acting inappropriately.
There may be some tacking on of something, but believe me. This was all before Haden’s watch, USC got slammed hard and is already playing ball. The NCAA has a lot of sanctions to hand out. They can do what they want, I am just calling more smoke than fire here. USC even sat McKnight out of the Emerald Nut Bowl despite the NCAA clearing him. More than we can say for Cam Newton or the Ohio State boys. Bottom line, we’re trying to comply with pre-Haden issues that have already been dealt with, but now have additional information. Some of the stuff from 2009 may even be beyond the four year statue of limitations. I don’t know. I don’t care. The NCAA is a joke as a governing body.
I am focused on Stanford, because unless you are going to NYC, it will be hard to focus on Syracuse. See you Thursday for the AGP and 1-0 feels good and goes great with a vintage cuvee.
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