Lost Angeles Blog Seeks Intern With Extreme Bearlike Aggression.

All right.  It is officially time to kick things up a notch.  I am super inundated with being arrogant right now and so is my fellow Trojan in crime Morgan, so the time has come to initiate another bear into our den.  So let me be the first to announce:

LOST ANGELES BLOG SEEKS INTERN

Here’s what I am looking for and what you might get in return…

Preferably a USC student living on or near campus and someone with an interest in social media, arrogance, being awesome, bears, whiskey and maybe even advertising.  This is not about committing a lot of time, it’s about helping me maximize the the Lost Angeles brand while giving you the kind of buckwild guerilla social media and blogging experience you could only get from me, the man Avatar was based on.  By the way, Amadeus, Jurassic Park, Save the Last Dance, Veggietales: The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything, Die Hard 2, Snakes on a Plane and Season Two of Full House were all also based on me.

As “the intern”, you will be responsible for many covert social operations and be our liason to campus.  There are some exciting plans for Lane Fucking Kiffin in the future and this person will have an active stake.  They may also get an actual steak, medium rare.  That said, if we don’t find the right kind of maniac, we’ll skip the intern.  I am kind of a lone wolf.  If you happen to be a well-connected Trojan who can execute, this will be more fun than a bag of puppies.  I am not giving you class credit, we are filling out no paper work.  This is guerrilla and arrogant and probably the most fun you will ever have.  Life will be all downhill from here.

Here is an image of the candidate I am looking for:

That said, you don’t have to be a bear, but you should definitely be down to bench press a shark.  You may also want to be the kind of person who likes talking in front of a crowd and is tenacious about following up.  I am torn between wanting a business major with low morale fiber and a sorority girl.  Not sure who will do the job better.  Probably a sorority girl business major with low morale fiber…  One who can also do this:

I don’t really care who we get as long as they have a deep understanding of this arrogance movement, a deep desire to enrich the football experience for USC students and alumni and also pile drive a shark.  Can you do these things?  Do you have what it takes to be totally awesome all the time?  If you are an Annenberg student, my letter of reco for whatever you need will win a Pulitzer and probably be made into a t-shirt.  A bulletproof t-shirt cops wear when they hit the streets.

What do you get in return?  Well, we’re not going to pay you in the traditional sense, but for every t-shirt you facilitate, you will get a handsome cut.  Any other events we run through you, same deal.  Basically, anything you do on behalf of the blog, you will be a stakeholder in.  The real reason to do this is to learn the ways of bear fighting, arrogance, getting around sanctions, social media and like I mentioned, advertising.  Make your mark on a case study that will be more entertaining than the Rum Diary.

Do you have what it takes?  Do you want to know more?  email me at lostangelesblog@  gmail  .  com

All will be considered, maybe none selected.  Feel free to include a resume (real or fictitious) and a letter of recommendation from your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.

14 Comments

Filed under Rants and Musings

14 Responses to Lost Angeles Blog Seeks Intern With Extreme Bearlike Aggression.

  1. Steve

    If I didn’t have a super arrogant upwardly mobile job at a USC startup company that will likely be a billion dollar company in 10 years, I would totally come bench press a shark for you.

    Lane Fucking Kiffin out bro

    • Zack

      I have a super arrogant day job, but we all make sacrifices for arrogance Steve. Your comment would have put you in the lead. Well done.

  2. Paul

    This is pretty hilarious – you should let us, your blog readers, have a say in the selection of the candidates. What’s more arrogant than that?

  3. Matt

    Besides you, the most arrogant whiskey drinking assholes on this campus are in the Trojan Marching Band. Among them, I am known as ManBearPig.

    This is my application.

  4. Derek

    Bearlike? Check! Sharks? Check! Come on, you know I’m your man. If only I had the time…

  5. ManBearPig is pretty fucking arrogant, but I think I might be even more arrogant than him.

    1. I was named after Rick Blaine from Casablanca, one of the most arrogant characters in the history of cinema. He wouldn’t even drink with his customers unless they were super hot ladies.

    2. I just typed ‘cinema.’

    3. I once ended up in jail in Shanghai for drinking too much whiskey.

    4. I take my steaks medium rare.

    5. I’m also in the band, and we are really super arrogant. Pete Carroll specifically wrote in the preface to our book that we were not arrogant, but that was a clever ruse.

    6. I get so pumped up about USC football it makes me fucking sick.

  6. Mike

    I’ve always wondered how “buckwild” was spelled. I appreciate you clearing that up for me. It’s one word, which is so arrogant, not wanting to share.

  7. Urban

    My arrogance is so great:

    - My health comes after football.

    - I retired and then rehired myself. In like 48 hours.

    - I told Jesus what plays to run.

    - I’d like to apply for this position having never attended USC. I also live on the East Coast.

    You know what, now that I think of it, I’m TOO arrogant for this position. Thanks for the offer though.

  8. I think you might remember me, but if not. I am Angelino Baltazar, an Angeleno who loves his city and everything that happens. Who would be better for a blog position writing for Angelenos than a person whose name is Angelino. Zack! Angelino Baltazar is what Willis was talkin’ bout! Give me some question to answer. And straight up, I fought a bear using jail house toothbrush shank.

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